Sometimes, Surrender is a Solution

Sep 24

Sometimes, Surrender is a Solution

I have lived my life with the philosophy of “Never Give Up.” It was a useful motto for a very long time. When challenges are so great and situations so perilous that to give up would mean defeat, the only solution is to never ever give in, never give up.

But recently, since my life is now normal for the most part, I’ve been questioning whether “never giving up” is necessarily the best solution for everyday life.

Are there times when one must give in? When it’s the only solution?

For example, let’s say you fall in love and the feelings don’t seem to be returned. Is never giving up that they will love you back a healthy way to live? You want them to love you, you feel like you need them to love you, if you don’t give up it can consume you. Love is such a powerful force it is almost impossible to control. The pursuit of controlling it can, sometimes literally, destroy someone. How much better for the individual in this case to instead surrender to their feelings? Love the love you feel, respect your emotions, but no fighting. No control. Love takes you away and you go where it flows, but you stay safe and whole.

Not giving up has its place, but it’s not always the solution. If your house falls down, perhaps you don’t give up finding a new place to live, but hopefully you surrendered to the wind and went somewhere safe beforehand.

Blessed/cursed with a vivid and compelling imagination I can often create a perfect outcome for a situation or project in my mind. I struggled with homework problems and artistic projects as I expected each step to mimic the perfect outcomes I expected of myself. I might complete what I was working on, but I would beat myself up if it wasn’t as great as I believed it should be. Eventually that would wear me down, wear me out.

Because the world I live in has different limits than the realm of my thoughts, it has taken me two decades to realize that I must let go in order to move forward, with anything.

I study Buddhism, and have often thought that the “let go” advice of that thinking system was unappealing in English. Some Buddhist teachings say that the way to the greater reality that connects us all (God) is to “detach”, “let go”, “lose one’s self” — none of this sounds great. It sounds a lot like defeat, failure and something like loss in my language.

But surrender is different. Surrender is release. Surrender is acceptance. Surrender can be beautiful, whole and right. Surrender means embracing what is, and loving without control, without expectation. Surrender is taking the cup of life and drinking from it.

Sometimes, surrender can save you.